The 3 Steps of practicing Self Control:
Tackle the situation in front of you first… Do what needs to be done.
Grieve the reality of your true emotions.
Correct your thoughts/change your mind to learn from your experience! (Adapt and Overcome)
This is what I’m learning right now.
Self Control is the ability to control one's desires, impulses, and emotions… a tool our society is trying to bury. I am a mom of a 1-year-old, I don’t have much experience but it’s fascinating how much I’m learning about myself through trying to figure out how to teach my daughter how to function as a socially and emotionally aware human being!
My daughter the other day wouldn’t sleep and therefore skipped one of her naps and (like every mother understands vividly) when that happens it seems as though even the slightest inconvenience for her will most likely result in a very needless tantrum. She had pulled a toy off of the shelf but when a couple of other toys came tumbling to the floor at her feet, my sweet ill-fated little babe irrupted into verbal and physical distress. This was clearly the straw that broke the camel's back for her in this particular moment, and where we as adults would see this as no big deal as a result of our ability to weigh misfortune due to our personal experiences and our “through the grapevine” experiences in life, a child understands none of this because their experiences are so few. According to their mental database, this is probably one of the most trifling experiences they’ve had thus far and would obviously warrant a tantrum of emotions!! Especially when they don’t have the emotional verbiage to express themselves. This is why I’m so thankful the Lord has revealed to me the incongruencies of my standards for her and my own actions… He is really revealing to me the absolute need for me to personify peace for her in a way that is practical, logical, and righteous. To teach her self-control through the way that I handle situations, firstly by not overreacting to her when situations like this arise, but to first take on a perspective of understanding her (wisdom and understanding always go hand in hand, according to the entire first half of Proverbs) and then teaching her self control in my ability to set my emotions aside and talk her through doing the same even if this lesson comes to me at a most inconvenient time. This way the toys get put back on the shelf—No crying until the task is complete because in real life mature individuals do what needs to be done first— THEN we can get a cup of juice, sit on the couch to cuddle, and talk about how much it sucked for all of the toys to fall because it’s so good for the soul to be validated, to be understood. However, by the end of that conversation the mind change needs to be tackled so that we don’t teach our children to pity themselves, but instead to be over-comers!
This is where I’m going to emphasize how extremely important it is for US as adults to study our children earnestly and make sure we’re not imparting blame, shame, guilt, or judgment when we disciple our children because it always circles us and them back into a victim story, and there is NO healing or overcoming in a victim story… so if you can’t give healing to yourself, you can't pass down healing to your children— aka — If your day to day life doesn’t replicate the graceful and redemptive personality of Jesus (which of whom we represent to our children during the first years of their life) then you’re not disciplining/disciplining your kid's heart by teaching them to love what is right, good, and holy (aka wisdom) but instead you’re punishing them and teaching them to behave/perform for you while you’re around. I speak from experience in my own way, and I feel as though most adults in todays society would nod their head in agreeance with me reminiscing on their own upbringings as well! Nonetheless, we must see that our parents did everything they could to raise us the best they knew how, and respect them for their sacrifice. The beauty of the reality of generations is that each one learns more than the last, and I look forward to watching my daughters embrace wisdom in deeper ways than I could have ever dreamed of!
I have also had the deep blessing of sitting at the feet of a mother who has raised children whom of which I adore and who has, through Christ, taught me that there is truly a difference between disciplining your child’s heart and just trying to correct them. Her ideas have proven to be true wisdom because of the fruit that is her children and her relationship with them!
The Lord is teaching me intensely how important it is for me to be the one who models these steps for my children because children do what you do, not as you say. Even now that is true in my household, and I want to pass down self-control and therefore wisdom and peace to my children, so I pray the Lord continues to sharpen my understanding in this area, and to one day master it fully.
To sum up my personal lesson in life right now: My children are a reflection of me.
Still makes me nervous to read that, especially when I think about the children to come & the new challenges that will come along with them. However, I know this is true. I will choose not to fear that responsibility because the Lord has called me to do this task, and He WILL help me overcome it.
Lord, bless my home and let it be full of mercy AND discipline. Teach my children, through me, to love what is right. Teach me to love Your correction and to not tense up when You do correct me because don’t correct me harshly— it's me who views it as harsh. You are gentle in Your corrections, merciful beyond my understanding. Help me to know this, help me to see You for who You truly are.
I will relax as you mold me, I love being molded by You.
Convict my heart so my children can thrive.
Amen.